Christmas

It's over! Christmas is over.
Same for us?
My mind is in a haze.
I can't focus well.
I am simply lazy to think anymore.
U're right.
It takes more.
Frankly speaking, I have to admit that I never think of the future. But i know that relationship is not all days honeymoon. It takes alot of commitment. And I ignored your signal. I just care too much for myself. I am.. Selfish. I shouldn't hold you back when you can find someone even better than me and more committing than me. But.. I was really hoping that I can change for the better, change everything. Without thinking how to? How to.. Change? I am at the loss of words now. Is my feeling fighting against my own thinking now? I guess I am a feeler more than a thinker. Yaa.
I am not that hurt as last time. I just don't feel like crying anymore. It's tired to cry. Guess I am learning it well? I just feel so tired. Feel so dead. I am back to the don't know what to do stage. And i need someone there to guide me. =S
Sigh. Don't throw away the box. =X I will miss it.
What should I do now?
I got no emotion and innovation to draw.

Why am I moving forward when I know it's going to be a dead end?