Dead

Aiks.
I can't memorise a single things. Don't understand what's it all about.
Helpss.
Hope tomorrow paper is not going to be a tough one.
Don't let me stone.

Sickening

Nothing to hide about. BOOO!
Get a scolding from my parents.
This is nothing to me.
=)

Linn()

Just wake up from the afternoon nap. Went to school for DB paper early in the morning. I am the earliest of all. Muahahaha. Finally make it on time. I am so tired today that I don't feel like waking up. Aiks. DB paper was okay. Except that the ER-diagram is tough and last question is a bit tricky. Was feeling unwell during the paper, luckily got a nice invigilator sponsor me tissue. Haha. After that paper, we went to find our OOP teacher. I am disappointed again. Sigh. Got back my assignment result. And it wasn't good at all. I was thinking if I get a B, at least a B then tomorrow paper if I got a D, at least I will still got a C grade for average. Soobbbbb! Tomorrow is going to be a tough day for me. And I am not feeling well. Feel like I am going to have sore throat. Maybe I am hoping that I will be sick? haha.
From young I have been worrying what future I will be having.
When I am in primary school, I worry about PSLE. Worry about what secondary school I will be going to.
When I get into a secondary school, I worrying about what class I will be going into, what friends I will be meeting, how will my class be like.
During O level, I worry about whether I can get into Poly or not. Wondering if I could really make it into poly. I aimed to get into accountancy course. But end up I got into IT. My hope clashed.
Then I start to worry about my future again. What can I be in the future in order to use what I learnt in the IT? The answer is still unknown.
Here again, I am worrying about tomorrow exams and the future exams. How will it be like?
For the past 18 years i have been worrying about this and that. When will this worrying be stopped?
Feel the stress of future unsecure.
Aiks.
Hate the feeling of worrying.

Worrying about tomorrow OOP paper.

Wonders..

Ponders.. Wonders..
What will the questions be like for database tomorrow? Will it be easy or will it be tough? Will it be tricky or will it be simple? Will I pass or fail? Questions! Flowing in my mind. Just now went back to school to study with Steve, weiwah, yeesheng, zhi wei and guang lin. haha! Guang lin is so funny today. Is he too stress over exams that he was joking every minute? That's a bit scary. hahaha! But I found myself laughing at his silly jokes. =) That's friendship. Enjoy this type of cheerfulness. WEEEEeee! Friends forever.
Wanted to wait for u so that we could go home together? But then, u say u're going home. Heart sink. Going home with your friends? Yaa. And you say u miss me a lot, never see each other for past few days? Hmmm.. You could have volunteer to fetch me home. But you didn't. I also didn't say anything else. Heart sink again when you sound kind of frustrated because you can't click on the coupon I gave you? Well.. I was silent the very minute. I don't intend to talk anymore. So I just sigh. Yaa. Sigh. Wonders a lot.. Maybe I am too sensitive..

Good luck everyone. Including me. =)

Examssss

Ahhh! Exams are getting nearer and I still haven't study finished a single module. BOOO! Can't concentrate. Too many distractions. Tend to walk around my house. Play piano. Use laptop, play maple. AHH. Kelvin says mix around with friends who are studying. Hmm.. who? hahaha. I will end up talking with them? No idea. Sigh. DEAD. Dead. dead. Alvin is studying in school with his classmates. And I am slacking at home. EEEKKK! Kelvin....... Help me. Give me half of ur brain will do. =(

Days are getting near.

No title

Not in the mood. Pms?
I don't know what am I thinking.
Feel so lonely.
Waste my day away again.
What am I suppose to do? To make u happy?
BOOO!
I feel so tired.
I am a pampered girl.
I am... feeling lonely.
Unsatisfied.
Sigh.

+Sha-la-la-la-la+

I am back!
Chalet was fun!
Enjoyed myself there. whahahaha! Went to Alvin's sister, Alina, 21th birthday chalet on Friday. I intend to met Alvin at bugis because I need to buy my theory papers at peace center. On the way there, I met pc! Ohh myy. I was wondering who is this girl. Then suddenly she turned her face, I was shocked. So coincidence. WEEE~ I miss pc! Miss a lot of classmates. Didn't talked much with her because both of us is not taking the same route. Can't meet up with her this weekend. So sad. Shall plan again. Reached the shop. This time, the shop is opened. hahaha! Finally, I got my 2003&2004 theory exam papers. AHHH~ So expensive. Two papers cost me 16.75bucks. Then I walked to Bugis. Then we bought a necklace for his sister from perlini. And then proceed to Pasir ris. Went to the NTUC over there to buy sakae. He wanna make his sister drunk? =X Met his parents in the bus. Ohh myy. His parents are quite friendly? Maybe because they thought I am their daughter friend? Yaa. Should be. His parents are strict with them. They want them to concentrate on their studies first. But they don't know that both of their children are already involving in a relationship. haha! Alina is a friendly girl and funny girl. Interesting person. Her boyfriend, Larry, was there too. Clicked quite well with Alina friends. We're joking about being Les while Alvin and Larry are gay. hahaha! So funny and gross. Alvin was calling Larry dear. EEEKKK! Disgusting. Have a great talk with Alina yesterday. Girls talk. haha! We'll talking about guys ego. Yup. Need to understand Alvin more. haha. =)
When the bbq was over, we drank volka Origin? The taste is so strong that when I drank the first slip, I was... Hate that taste. I am not supposed to drink it that way because the volka need to be mixed with soft drink. whahahaha! Stupid me. The volka contain 40% alcohol. Ohh noo. After that cup, I was abit dizzy. I knew I need to rest a while. Don't know is it because I am tired or abit drank? Rest a while. When I am feeling quite alright, we went to beach to play sparkles. Missed playing sparkles. Took quite a lot of pictures. Happy times always passes fast. Then.. Alvin piggy back me from the beach to the chalet. Raced with Larry. I was touched. Because he was sweating like hell when we reached the chalet. Even though I was shouting "Put me down" on the way back to chalet, but I didn't mean anything bad. Didn't want you to hurt urself. Reached home around 11am plus today. Sleep all the way till 7pm. Had a great night yesterday. =)

+Lovely memories+

+BOO+

Yes! The exact title for today. Feeling bad. Feeling tired. Feeling poor. YAAA! BOO! Went for the ushering thingy. Luckily Johnathan accompany me awhile during the ushering. It's damn boring. And we're feeling thirsty. There is no free water for ushers. =( sob. Saw melvin! *blink blink. haha. BOOO! Wanna act as if he's one of those award receivers. Knew he was there for the free foods too! Muahahaha. Finally, the prize giving ceremony starts, it's more interesting. hahaha! Got NRA! WEEEE! Love their dance. So hip hop and cute too. Then we got free foods to eat! whahaha! alot of variety. Yummy. I love free foods. Hmm.. I am so broke recently. It's damn broke. Got to buy piano theory papers, go out with pc, chalet and camp. EEEKKK! Hate it. I am poor. =( Sigh. Exams coming. Sighhh. Stress. Yucks!

+Our Day+

WOOOHOOO!~
Happy 2nd Anniversary!
We didn't went out to celebrate that day, because he got to teach juniors guitar. Was quite disappointed again. But after reading the letter he wrote to me, I was quite alright. haha. Stone in club house. Manage to find a laptop and played warcraft3. Quite enjoy the game. Weee! New game. hahaha. He accompany me home. Didn't talk much in bus. Guess because he feels guilty for not bringing me out? =) I am not unhappy. Just thinking why am I so easily disappointed. Are my expectation too high? Maybe. haha. Gave him his present. Hope he likes it. Quite messy with the card. The markers ran out of ink. It's the thoughts not the appearance. hahaha! At least it's some kind of hand make thing. Love hand make things *hint hint.
Yesterday went to east coast for cat's birthday bbq. Enjoyed myself alot! Ate alot of foods. WEEE! Free foods, I'm loving it. hahahaha! Most of all, I love alvin. whahaha! We met at bishan before going to east coast. And he bought me ring. whahaha! Propose? =X He doesn't know my size, that's why he wants me to meet him. =) Love him. Went to east coast happily. Melissa they all haven't reach yet. So we went to the break water there and sit. The scenery is so romantic. AWWW! He put on the ring for me. AAHHH~ I was feeling so loved at that moment. whahahaha! So sweet. Love him. XD

+Good game+

Damn.
I lost my star hair pin on the way to meet Alvin. Sigh. My favourite. Feel like crying when I discovered that my hair pin was gone. Damn stressed.
Baked cookies for so longgg. The longest of all. Damn. Spent too much time on those cookies. =(
I am so tired now. Haven't do my ECID project yet. And guess what? Tomorrow I am having a group meeting to combine our work for the project. Fcuk. Didn't even study for tomorrow NF test. I am damn tired. Think I got kidney problem. My left side of my back was hurting just now. So painful that I can't stand straight. I can't sleep late anymore. Damn exhausted. Fcuk. I should stop here.

+I miss you+

+Fireworks+

WEEEEEEE!
Went to marina south with Alvin and his friends to see fireworks. hahaha. I enjoyed myself! Beautiful fireworks! NICE! Too bad shufen can only hear the sound of fireworks from her house. hahahaha! Love that moment. Wanted to say something to him. But in the end, I don't have the courage. Sigh. Such a waste. I mean, sometime some words/actions are only mean to be say/do in romantic moment. Aiks. Nevermind. I will pluck up the courage for the next time. =) We stayed in marina south until 1am plus. Then took mrt home. I want to treat him more better from today onwards. Feel like I haven't been a good girlfriend. Yuck. His classmate said, "Alvin treats you very good." I was.. Ya. Come to think about it. Yes, he treats me extremely good. Yet I still so demanding. Should be. Yes. Goal for this month, treat you more better.
So many projects to rush for. Arghs. EBF, DB, OOP and ECID. Ohh nooooo!

+Love ya, love me+

+That Moment+

Hmmm.. Just reached home and talked to alvin on the phone. Quite upset. My eyes were filled with tears with he said "Maybe I am going to quit NPS too." I was.. Speechless. Yes. For that moment, I am going to cry. But I hold on to my tears. I asked, "then, we will have lesser time to meet." and he said, "Ya." I was... Sigh. Hmmm.. Don't know what is going on. Maybe he really busy until he wanted to quit NPS. Then he added on.. "Maybe only." Well, who knows? Look at micheal. Micheal is alway joking around, being friendly to other. But now, he's quitting NPS. What is going on? I feel so sian of our relationship. Started too fast. Now is kind of i don't know what to do. Sigh. I told marcus about this. And he says I think too much. But am I really thinking too much? Some how I can feel alvin is sian too. Have some talk with him today. Hmm.. Kind of alright. I still don't dare to ask him about the problem that is on my mind. Maybe some times later bah. I feel that if alvin really so busy, then.. then... Maybe we should do something about it. Hmm.. I am a strong girl. Yup. Shouldn't be too upset. But for now, I don't know what to do. Feel like talking to someone about my problem. But then.. I will end up crying. So.. Well.. Let it bury deep inside my heart. Yaa. =)
I am not good for you.
Maybe I am thinking too much.
Maybe. Just maybe.
Somehow, things don't taste the same.
Maybe. Just maybe.
Teach me. How to be strong.
Teach me. Just teach me.

+From that moment onwards+

+No mood+

Started my day quite alright but then PMS got hold of me. I'm feeling totally unhappy. Yaa. Unhappy. Cheer me up. But u didn't. U sound a bit unhappy just now. From that moment onward, I don't even feel like talking to anyone. I know I am slow and dumb. Don't have to talk to me in such a way. Everyone is feeling tired. Ya. We're both feeling tired. Not in the mood for whatever stuff. Arghs. Hate PMS. Cheer me up. Someone please cheer me up.
Unhappy. Upset.
This is not what I want.

+1 Month Anniversary+

HAHAHA =)
Happy 1 Month Anniversary!
Quite bad luck in the morning. I woke up EARLY so that I can have enough time to dress up nicely. But then, in the end I'm still late for class. hahaha. Keep on dropping things today. What happened to my hand?
Was going out to celebrate but then.. The weather make a joke on us. It was raining "mao mao yu". hahaha. I really thought is that the rain was not so heavy. But then when we came out from the class room. It was raining cats and dogs! Ohhh myy.. Me and my "mao mao yu". Was going to meet alvin in orchard. Guess he was there buying present. Last minute work.. I was trying not to get wet in the rain. Damn. It was pouring as if singapore lack of water. The damn worst thing is that, when shufen and I decided to take the 154 or 151 bus, I was rushing out of the bus stop in that rain, the bus driver closed the door. ARGHS! Then I got to rush out and in to the bus stop again. So stupid lah! Damn that driver. Maybe raining, his eyes sight not so good huh? Should be. Unfortunate things alway happened on raining day. Feel like going home for a bath before meeting alvin. Was drenched from rain. But then he was in orchard wondering around.. So I guess I should meet him. Yup. Was really feeling disappointed when we can't go to that secret place of his. AHhhh. Things didn't went smoothly as it should be. He was broke as his mum took 20bucks from him. Then plus he bought a present. He's poor. But then it was okay for me. The most important thing is that find a place and sit. So we decided to go city hall due to the large amount of people in orchard. Reached city hall, I suggested esplanade library. Quiet place to sit and sleep. haha. I sleep awhile. Too tired. Only slept for 5hours yesterday because I start making his card at 1am. Make until about 2am then went to bed. So I need to rest. Alot of things were on my mind. But then what make me quite angry was when I hear this from him. "Don't write me a too mushy testi, so that when I posted, my church mates will not suspect anything." I was... What's wrong to let your church mates know about our relation? DOTS. But then after awhile, I am okay le. haha. Bluffed him that I got no present for him. haha. Hope he'll wear that T-shirt. It was expensive for a 1 month anniversary present. hahaha.
Even though it was raining today, but it's the thoughts that really count and not where we are.
Thanks for the alvin2. hahaha.

+Arghs+

Not feeling good.
I don't know.
Just feel fucking pissed off.
I am petty.
Don't make me angry.
I will fight.
Damn.
I wonder why am I feeling this way.
I don't know.
Not in the mood.
Tests didn't turned out well.
That spoil my mood.
Wanted to treat u well.
But the way u showed, make me doubt.
Am I doing the right thing?
Maybe PMS.
Yaa. Should be.
I am broke.
No life.
Leave me alone.
That's the way I am.

Leave me alone.

+cookies!+

For the past whole week I have been going out non-stop. whahahaha! Plus sleep with my bed. *Winking at june. Therefore for this common tests week, I didn't do well. Guess I know my result. Something bad happened on last sunday and till now I still having the bad luck charm. ARGHS!~
Met Alvin on sunday at boon keng mrt. We walked to his usually boarding bus stop. Walk half way, my left leg slipper broke. I am so panick at that moment. Never meet before this kind of circumstance. Alvin offered to accompany me home. But I insisted on accompany him wait for his bus. Haha. In the end, got to hop back home. People look at me as if I am from other planet. Zzz. Never see human hopping home with a broken slipper? haha.
My broken slipper. =(

Yesterday is OOP test. WHAHAHAHA. Guess my tester is gone case. I really didn't know how to do the tester class. I did one array and then... the rest listAll method.. I got no idea how to do. whahaha. It's okay. That is the past. wooo.. Went to Alvin's house yesterday for study but end up watching windstruck. So touching.. One year ago, I watched this movie with pc and her bf, now I re-watched it with Alvin. So strangely yet so memorable. Hmmm.. Accompany him ate dinner at macdonalds. Reached home at around 8pm. Was so tired and sleepy. Online awhile and can't take it anymore. Went to bed early yesterday. =)
DataBase test today is... "Easy"? That's what Mr chee said to park, "The paper is easy right?" EHhh.. Do u think so? Appendix A was damn difficult? I can't remember any term. Or should I say I didn't read through? whahaha. Anyhow wrote. Was hoping if I can get some mark to give me a pass. Appendix B was about commands. Hmmm.. Last minute study, all I can remember is just inner join. Hope my Appendix B will get me a pass. But then come to think of it, last minute study never work right. sweat.
Was raining just now. Got home and wash my leg immediately, was rushing out from my kitchen to change my clothes. But who knows. Humpty dumty had a great fall. I slip and fall. Hurt my backside. Didn't know whether should i laugh at myself or cry. Was shunned at that meJust now talk to my mum about the selling cookies stuff, got to use her oven to bake them. And guess her reaction? whahahaha. She said she will help me look out for apples. Prefer me to give apples rather than sell cookies. She even say she will sponsor me those 5000 apples! SWEAT! I was shocked. Wow. U're rich huh? dots. Nothing better to do? Then she says, she will buy me cookies instead of baking them. ERRrr.. What was that suppose to mean? She said that I have no standard to sell those cookies. And who will buy? AHHHH! So bad! She's mean. What a not sporting mum I got. SOB!

Closer..

+Blah blah+

I am bored!
Can't study! Not in the mood to study. Die... I am so slack.. Everyday I will be going out. Oh myy.. I am going to fail my common tests. Sigh.
Not even a single module I have finish studying. Sigh. I need time to study! Whenever I reach home, I'll feel so tired. Wanted to study before I go to bed but alway end up sleeping with the book in my bed. What a slacker I am. Argh.
I need.
Time.
Time.
Time.

Dead.

+Restless+

+Breathless+

I am very tired today. Feel so lifeless. I am even more quiet after watching Initial D. I was wondering, what if one day you saw alvin and me hugging together, what will you do? Wonders. After watching Initial D I understand how you feel? Maybe I am selfish never thought of your feelings. Maybe you will be much more happier and feel much more better without me. I can't think anymore. I am just... So.. tired? I want to be alone. Away from everything. Running away.... To a far far place where nobody is. Yaaa.. I am okay after crying. So don't worry. Happy knowing you. =)

Nobody is right or wrong. It's the timing. Or maybe it's my fault. Maybe..

+It's hard to be strong+

+Hurts+

Bad bad day to begin with. Sigh.
Went to school early in the morning for violin evaluation. Still need to practice a lot. Intonation is total out, timing not constant, etc... Got to do a lot of practice. Feel like freshies. After the evaluation, thought of practicing piano as I never practice for the whole week. Put my violin on the chair while I am practicing piano. A freshies just finished her evaluation, came out of the room, excitedly? Knock onto my violin, my violin DROPPED to the floor. ARGH! That point of time I really damn concern about my violin. She just walk away? never even say sorry! Damn her! Bloodly bitch?! Scatches on my violin and she broke my shoulder rest! ARGHH! Still never say sorry. Why am I alway the unlucky one? Just spend 40bucks on my bow and now.. Need to save money to buy shoulder rest again. Bad luck!
Meet eddie after piano lesson. He... Grow more man? Ya. More well build. Quite smart in his macdonald outfit. Was shocked to see him dress so formal. Hmm.. Treat me quite well. Then... The moment arrive. He saw my holding hand picture I took with Alvin. Yup. Alvin and me. His friend was mumming something. I looked at Eddie. He just doesn't know whether should he smile or not. Then.. Attitude changed. I...... My fault? Maybe. Didn't want to make him more upset. After they went to arcade, I went home alone. Yaa. Alvin was playing lan game with his friends. Well.. That moment really quite hurting? I thought a lot of things. Feeling so down. Feel tears dropping. Wipe it away, pretending nothing happened. You just don't understand how am I feeling. U're damn sad. What about me? It's hurting. I was waiting and waiting.. And Alvin came into my life too fast. You didn't even know what happened between us. Alvin. Get close to him is because something happened to steve. We wanted to cheer up steve, bought a card together. Then went to esplanade library with steve. Yup. As simple as that. Things just happened too fast. Before I can clearly think. The feeling when I am with him and when I am with you is totally different. What am I talking about! Just like what you said craps. Maybe. It's not totally your fault. It's mine too. It just play a trick upon us. Just like how it did to million thousands of people. Fallen for the wrong party. Sigh. I don't know what to do. Tell me what should I do.

It hurts to see uupset. Kill me.

+Park+

ARGHhhh~
What a place to go to? Fort Canning Park. whahaha. He said which will be different. No long esplanade nor club house. Climbed so many stairs.. Reach the top, feeling breathless. Legs were wobble. And u know why we went there? To feed to hungry mosquitos. Dots. It's so itchy.... Damn irritating. But then we change place after that, because it's too many hungry mosquitos to feed. In the end, we walked to a windy place. Nice feeling. Windy and nice sky. Sit there and dream. hahaha. Didn't manage to hanky panky. =X Quite alot of people walking or jogging pass.. whahahaha. Talking about hanky panky is making me high again. hahaha! SHHhhhhhh...

+Thou feeling+